I was nine years old. I was rollerskating in the house, which was absolutely forbidden. I was skating down the hallway, on top of the world, with my new skates and my new haircut, which everybody thought was a Dorothy Hamill, but was actually a Pete Rose. Anyway, I needed to go to the bathroom, but the door was locked. My recently divorced aunt had moved in with us and I was sharing a bathroom with her. To be prepared I tried to take my underpants off over my roller skates. I slipped, and as I fell I pulled down this poster of the singer Tom Jones that my aunt had put up. My mom heard the noise and ran and found me… squirming under the Tom Jones poster with my… underpants around my ankles. It didn’t look good, Jack.